It’s been almost two months now since Michael quietly departed this life to slip the bonds of earth and soar, to moonwalk across the stars forever. Silly sod. Now he too joins the ranks of those who attained the most fame because they had the most talent, those who informed and inspired generations then passed away not so much with a bang but a whimper covered in vomit on the floor of the bog. Jimmy and Janice and Elvis for example, although the conspiracy theorists would have us believe that in Jimmy’s case it was a surfeit of wine that seemed to have been poured by the bucket down his throat so that he literally drowned in expensive plonk. Well at least we assume so because we would hope that even bugged out rock stars would have some taste. Whispers of overly extended drug debts and sinister men in sunglasses were scurrilously bandied abroad.
In Marilyn’s case the murder theorists went nuts. It could have been one of several major players, they said, the Kennedys and the CIA and MI5 being just a few – or perhaps it was Sir Lawrence Olivier after admitting that her acting talent outshone his own. Could it be that she was a bigger Ham[let] than he was and he just couldn’t bear the shame? After her death the autopsy revealed, or rather didn’t to be precise, that her stomach was completely empty, so how had all the drugs that killed her get in there? It was said in certain quarters that Marilyn had a penchant for colonic irrigation 1960’s style which I believe was something complicated to do with orange rubber tubes, soapy water, a hot water bottle and a spiggot but I could be wrong. Now David Carradine and possibly Michael Hutchence might have managed it but it would have been no mean feat of contortion to do it to oneself - alone. Ropes and pulleys spring to mind; oops there’s that Carradine and Hutchence vision again. The autopsy report did indicate that there were traces of drug residue up her, well up her bum really, so unless she was off to the airport with a few baggies in unmentionable places to thwart the Customs there is a plausible claim to be made that someone done her wrong. And she was on her face when the medics found her even though post-mortem blood ‘pooling’ was apparent on her back – And she had bruising and several fractured bones [you can find the autopsy report on the Net and read it for yourself if you’re so inclined]. I bet CSI would have it solved within a minute – well within 40 minutes plus commercials at the very least. But it certainly gives one pause doesn’t it?
The latest on Michael suggests that his doctor administered an anesthetic to help him sleep, a bizarre and apparently permanent solution to what must have been an insomnia problem on steroids, so to speak. It certainly makes a nice hot bath and a cup of cocoa pale by comparison I would say. So here again can’t you just hear the conspiracy theorists gearing up now? Watch this space. No doubt they will find it was Joe Jackson who paid the doc to knock him off for the insurance money, or perhaps it was agents of the concert promoters who thought he was past it really. Or maybe just maybe it was Elizabeth Taylor who is really Diana Ross who is Michael Jackson in disguise who planted the body of a skinny white black dude so that he/she wouldn’t have to do all those exhausting gigs and could then join Elvis for a quiet life of making beds in Memphis at the Shady Rest Motel. Figures.
